Not About Lumberjacks

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Christmas Miscellany 8

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A red glass Christmas tree ornament in white snow. Text reads: Christmas Miscellany 8 - Four Stories - One of Them Seasonal. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time once again…time for the annual Not About Lumberjacks Christmas episode. If you’re new, here, eight years ago I gathered up all my shorter short stories (like stocking stuffers) and released them for the holidays. Since then, the effort has grown, but no matter how random the tales are, the last one is always a Christmas story of some sort.

This year’s stories:

  • “Crispas Echo” – We travel back to 1985 for a tale of summer school friendship and…Taco Bell!
  • “A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Planet)” – The first human mission to Mars runs into a very surprising discovery…
  • “Dick is Dead” – Two accountants end up unlucky and are forced to attend the funeral of a weird coworker on behalf of their department.
  • “Christmas Spirits” – Three famous Christmas ghosts have had enough, and set a pharmaceutical CEO straight.

Disclaimer About “Christmas Spirits”: This story was written well before this week’s murder of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO. I am in no way capitalizing on timely news. Unfortunately, when one writes enough, they are bound to run into releasing a story that carries more weight because of a real-life event. (Example: When Stranger Things released an episode showing murdered children the week of [yet another] U.S. school shooting and began with a disclaimer.) Spoiler Alert: The CEO in this story lives. But…the last story of this year’s Christmas episode is bound to still evoke emotions in some, so I wanted to mention all this up front.

And now, the usual content advisory…

Content Advisory: Spread throughout the four stories making up this year’s Christmas episode are teen drug use, violence (humorous in places, but a couple rough moments in “Christmas Spirits”), teasing, a funeral, corporate greed, and–of course–swearing!

No matter what you celebrate this season (or not), I wish you and yours all the best as we face down the end of another year.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Various, all licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Stories and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >> (Coming Soon)

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Behind the Cut – The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart

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Left side: a Cross section of a cut tree with a grassy background. Text reads: Behind the Cut. The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side: the rings of a cut tree. Text reads: The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart,” I talk about my love of tall tales and…dislike about asking for things…

As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first.

Transcript >>

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The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart

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A cross section of the end of a pale, cut log. Text reads: The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart. Written by: Christopher Gronlund. Narrated by: Dave Pettitt.


Join Mighty Missy Stewart and her badger buddy, Tamarack, as they come of age in a time of expanding frontiers and rugged lumberjacks!

Content Advisory: Were “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” a movie, it would be rated PG. There’s some good-natured teasing and a non-descriptive death. What might put it into the PG realm instead of General Audiences is the mention of some woodland monsters. But this one’s a really light-hearted and fun tale.

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Audio stories are best with the perfect narrator, and “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” is brought to life in the best of ways by the equally mighty Dave Pettitt.

Dave’s done a wide range of commercial work, including the National Hockey League and the National Football League. Cartoons and video games? Yep, Dave’s done both. But he’s best known for the unscripted reality series, Discovery’s Highway Thru Hell—and somewhere near the other end of the spectrum – GPS audio tours for an app called Guide Along.

You can learn more about Dave and what he’s up to at the links below…

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Sandra Marteleur, Horna Spelmän, and uncredited traditional tracks, all licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.
Narration: Dave Pettitt.

Episode Transcript >>

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Behind the Cut – Overwinter

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Left Side of Image: the top of a tree stump. Text reads: Behind the Cut - the Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right Side of Image: A snow-covered, rocky bit of land jutting into a gray and roiling sea. Text Reads: Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Overwinter,” I talk about why I wrote a very quiet story for introverts.

As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first.

Links to things mentioned in this commentary:

Transcript >>

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Overwinter

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A snow-covered, rocky bit of land jutting into a gray and roiling sea. Text Reads: Overwinter. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this celebration of solitude, Daniel’s life is changed forever after spending 5 months alone on an island 13 miles off the Maine coast.

Content Advisory: “Overwinter” deals with a job change, longing, solitude vs. loneliness, and does contain a couple words you’ve probably heard on TV or at work this week. There are also a couple scenes with moderate consumption of alcohol.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Anders Schill Paulsen, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >>

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Behind the Cut – Mudlarking

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A muddy riverbank at low tide. Text: Mudlarking. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “Mudlarking,” I talk about a recent urge to keep telling more “serious” stories…and why I chose to write something a bit more adventurous [even ridiculous] instead.

As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first.

Transcript >>

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Mudlarking

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Photo of mud during low tide. Text reads: Mudlarking. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund

When Eva Barrett decides to give mudlarking on the Thames River foreshore a go, she finds something very strange during low tide.

Content Advisory: “Mudlarking” is pretty tame. There’s some violence in the form of fighting, and even then: it’s not brutal “people-are-dying fighting” — more like light action movie fighting. And when it comes to swearing, it’s pretty non-existent (you’re likely to hear worse on television). The worst it gets is an “S” word instead of “poop.”

If you’re driving, there is one collision with a vehicle. Not a screeching tires kind of crash, just a sudden THUD!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Hampus Naeselius, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Photo Credit: Susan Green.

Episode Transcript >>

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Behind the Cut – It’s Never Too Late

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A tilted hourglass nestled in a bed of blurred stones. Text: It's Never Too Late. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “It’s Never Too Late,” I talk about the mechanics of time-travel stories and how “fixing” the past may not be as great an idea as it may seem.

As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first.

Transcript >>

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It’s Never Too Late

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An hourglass sitting on small stones. Text: It's Never Too Late. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund

When Stanley Gladstone takes his time machine for a test run, he gets more than he bargained for when it breaks down, leaving him stranded in 1983.

Content Advisory: “It’s Never Too Late” deals with regret, death (including a decayed body), personal loss, and the sound of someone vomiting. Also, if you’re driving, be aware there’s a scene with the main character following someone on foot that contains skidding tire sounds. I don’t want you to be driving and freaking out, thinking something’s coming at you! It’s just that moment in the story.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Roots and Recognition, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Additional Voices: Cynthia Griffith

Episode Transcript >>

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Behind the Cut – Christmas Miscellany 7

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A red glass Christmas globe ornament. Text: Christmas Miscellany 7. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about why I do an annual Christmas episode [even though I’m a life-long atheist] and the importance of committing to a bit.

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Also, don’t forget that I’m doing a Not About Lumberjacks t-shirt giveaway in honor of November’s 50th full story episode.

All you have to do is email NALStories@gmail.com and tell me a favorite episode or something about the show for one entry. Check out the shownotes for “Old Growth” for full details.

Transcript >>

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