Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Old Growth

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Glowing yellow eyes peer out from a hollow tree covered in moss and leaves. Fog obscures the foreground of the forest view. Text: Old Growth. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.


You are a lumberjack alone on the side of a mountain with whomever—or whatever—killed your fellow loggers.

(Yep! This one’s in second person…)

Content Advisory: “Old Growth” deals with death, gore, anguish, being lost in a forest, being alone in the dark, and…creatures. But hey, at least there’s no swearing!

There’s really only one rather unpleasant horror scene. The rest is more just…creepy in its intent.

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Before getting into the tale, I want to thank everyone for supporting Not About Lumberjacks and helping make this the 50th full story episode of the show! (If you factor in the Christmas stories, there are 70 free stories on the site.)

To honor the occasion, I’m doing a giveaway!

People have asked for merchandise, and it is on the way. Until then, this is your chance to be one of the few people on the planet with a Not About Lumberjacks t-shirt!

Here’s how it works (and this applies internationally as well):

  • To get one entry in the random drawing, all you have to do is email me at NALStories@gmail.com and tell me your favorite episode or something you like about the show.
  • If you email me and tell me that…and let me know you’ve shared this episode (or your fave) somewhere online…or that you subscribe to my YouTube Channel or newsletter, you’ll get a second entry. (I trust you and have no intention of making you prove it.)
  • Finally, if you’re a Patreon patron, or sign up for my Patreon and let me know you did, you get a third chance.

I’ll do the random drawing on Saturday, December 23 and contact the winner then. (All contact will be directly from me, so if you get contacted through an Instagram account meant to look like me, or any place other than NALStories@gmail.com, it’s not me. I mention this because I know that even when someone tiny does some kind of giveaway, scammers try figuring out ways to exploit it. You will know me by the email address and my babbling thank you for supporting the show!)

And again…this applies to international fans of the show, too.

All right, let’s get to work!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen (closing tune: Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen, Anna Dager, and Hanna Ekström), licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Lakeview Estates

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An aerial view of a mobile home community. Text reads: Lakeview Estates. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund

The residents of Lakeview Estates Mobile Home Community battle the city and developers in an attempt to save their homes from demolition to make way for a golf course.

Content Advisory: “Lakeview Estates” deals with loss of homes, corruption, mention of drug and alcohol addiction (including teen marijuana use), death, arson, violence, incarceration, and infidelity. Also: after a six-episode run with no swearing, that’s back, too!

Also: There is a brief moment of emergency vehicle sounds, so if you’re driving…don’t panic!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Roy Edwin Williams, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Firing the Muse

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A classic painting of a female muse (head and shoulders). She is wearing a white robe. Behind her: trees and a mountain. Added to the image: a yellow hard hat rests on her head and a thick cigar is held between her fingers. Text reads: Firing the Muse. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about the things I wanted to be when I grew up (before deciding the become a writer). I share stories about writing rejection, the friend who convinced me to begin recording and releasing fiction, and how a different friend’s prediction about “The Death of Literature” factors in what I’m doing today.

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Firing the Muse

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A classic painting of a female muse (head and shoulders). She is wearing a white robe. Behind her: trees and a mountain. Added to the image: a yellow hard hat rests on her head and a thick cigar is held between her fingers. Text reads: Firing the Muse. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

When Warren Quinn trades his existing workaday muse for a more literary muse, he gets much more than he bargained for.

Content Advisory: “Firing the Muse” deals with stresses and job loss around creative work. There’s casual alcohol consumption and smoking—and a very brief allusion to combat PTSD. Unless you consider “dammit” swearing, this is the sixth Not About Lumberjacks story with no language advisory. (I can already tell you there won’t be a seventh.)

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Jackie Martin, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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The Song of the Stone

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Image of a gray, lichen-covered stone in a forest. Text reads: "The Song of the Stone. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund."

Zander Pierson’s dissatisfaction with living the life others expected from him leads to a stone in a Swedish forest that also called to Einvaldr Brúnn at a turning point in his life in the early 860s.

Content Advisory: “The Song of the Stone” deals with lack of job and life satisfaction, pressure to marry and have children, career pressure, and death from illness.

A Thank You and Some Links…

A mighty thank you to Miro Karjalainen, aka Three Star Vagabond, for answering some questions about Stockholm and Birka. If there are any inaccuracies in the story, they are all on me.

Miro is my favorite travel vlogger. Each week, he documents his travels around Stockholm, the rest of Sweden, and the world. It’s an impressive one-person operation, full of great places, history, and humor.

Miro also has a second YouTube channel called This is Geeky! in which he knocks around documenting geeky things. Of course, I love that channel as well.

So, check out what he’s up to at either link above, or swing by his Three Star Vagabond Facebook group.

And here’s Miro’s Birka video, which came in handy for this story!

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I hint at a couple YouTube channels in this story. If you’re curious who inspired the lines, here you go:

Roaming Wild Rosie – A thru-hiking designer who stepped away from the hurried pace of life in London and bought a cabin in the Swedish woods. Most Sundays, she chronicles her efforts restoring her home and tending to her little plot of land. I can’t tell you how much I love the commentary in this particular video.

Lowkey Swedish – Ally and Hamish are the “adorable couple from New Zealand,” mentioned in the story. Like the others mentioned above, each Sunday they share their restoration progress on their cabin in the woods not too far from Stockholm.

It’s already hit 97F / 36C in Texas this spring, so I’m sure I’ll revisit their snowed-in video as it gets even hotter in Texas.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Rockbiters

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Left side of Image: A cross-section of a tree stump against a green grass background. The Old Not About Lumberjacks logo is in the middle. Text reads: "Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion." Right side of image. White text on the close-up of an asteroid. Text reads: "Rockbiters. Commentary by Christopher Gronlund."

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about how I’m normally not the biggest fan of worldbuilding in fiction, but recognize when it’s necessary. (And not just because “Rockbiters” required some up-front worldbuilding!)

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Rockbiters

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Close-up surface of an asteroid illuminated by lighting from the left. Text reads: "Rockbiters. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund."


Find out what happens when the Forgefire brothers, while mining in an asteroid belt called The Delve, discover something that changes the lives of an entire solar system. (Yep, it’s Dwarves in Space!!!)

Content Advisory: “Rockbiters” deals with loss of life, brief mention of enslavement, and war. Some may find the battle scenes loud and stressful, but there is no gore or suffering. Think of it like Star Wars-level action and you’re fine. Also: I extend my no-swearing streak to a fourth story in a row…unless you consider a made-up, one-syllable word swearing.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Martin Goldmann.

A BIG thank you to Martin for not only allowing me to use his music for “Rockbiters,” but for composing two pieces of music inspired by the story and our brief discussions online. Check out what he’s up to here:

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Additional vocal effects: Cynthia Griffith.

I also want to thank William J. Meyer for always sharing sound effect techniques and other things on his YouTube channel. William does full-blown movies for your head. Check out his website for more information.

And, finally, I mentioned Martin Goldmann refusing payment for using his music. So…I made a donation in honor of his generosity to Musicians Without Borders. If you’re so inclined, you can do the same.

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