Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Mudlarking

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Photo of mud during low tide. Text reads: Mudlarking. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund

When Eva Barrett decides to give mudlarking on the Thames River foreshore a go, she finds something very strange during low tide.

Content Advisory: “Mudlarking” is pretty tame. There’s some violence in the form of fighting, and even then: it’s not brutal “people-are-dying fighting” — more like light action movie fighting. And when it comes to swearing, it’s pretty non-existent (you’re likely to hear worse on television). The worst it gets is an “S” word instead of “poop.”

If you’re driving, there is one collision with a vehicle. Not a screeching tires kind of crash, just a sudden THUD!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Hampus Naeselius, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Photo Credit: Susan Green.

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Behind the Cut – It’s Never Too Late

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A tilted hourglass nestled in a bed of blurred stones. Text: It's Never Too Late. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, “It’s Never Too Late,” I talk about the mechanics of time-travel stories and how “fixing” the past may not be as great an idea as it may seem.

As always, this commentary contains spoilers from the latest story, so you might want to listen to that first.

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It’s Never Too Late

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An hourglass sitting on small stones. Text: It's Never Too Late. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund

When Stanley Gladstone takes his time machine for a test run, he gets more than he bargained for when it breaks down, leaving him stranded in 1983.

Content Advisory: “It’s Never Too Late” deals with regret, death (including a decayed body), personal loss, and the sound of someone vomiting. Also, if you’re driving, be aware there’s a scene with the main character following someone on foot that contains skidding tire sounds. I don’t want you to be driving and freaking out, thinking something’s coming at you! It’s just that moment in the story.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Roots and Recognition, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Additional Voices: Cynthia Griffith

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Behind the Cut – Christmas Miscellany 7

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A red glass Christmas globe ornament. Text: Christmas Miscellany 7. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about why I do an annual Christmas episode [even though I’m a life-long atheist] and the importance of committing to a bit.

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Also, don’t forget that I’m doing a Not About Lumberjacks t-shirt giveaway in honor of November’s 50th full story episode.

All you have to do is email NALStories@gmail.com and tell me a favorite episode or something about the show for one entry. Check out the shownotes for “Old Growth” for full details.

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Christmas Miscellany 7

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A Red round Christmas Ornament on a gray slate background with sprigs of evergreen. Text: Christmas Miscellany Three Stories - One of Them Seasonal... Written By: Christopher Gronlund Narrated By: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith

This year’s Christmas episode consists of three stories — one of them a Christmas tale.

  • “The World Beneath Her Brush”: This one’s about a globemaker—and I really like it!
  • “The King of French Fries”: Not only a story from the point of view of a parking lot-dwelling grackle, but it’s also accompanied by an original song.
  • “Suburban Home”: Aging punk rockers battling their homeowners’ association over Christmas decorations.

Content Advisory: “The World Beneath Her Brush” and “The King of French Fries” barely merit content advisories. At most, they are about personal struggle in the hope of having a better life. “Suburban Home” deals with pettiness, arguing, the effects of family expectations, and a slight bit of depression and anxiety mentioned in passing. Oh, and some swearing!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – With one exception, all music licensed through Epidemic Sound. The exception: Descendents’ “Suburban Home” used with permission from the band.

Also, “The Tailless Grackles of Summer” was conceptualized and arranged by Cynthia Griffith, who also came up with the first stanza of the lyrics. Christopher Gronlund finished the rest.

Stories: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith (“The World Beneath Her Brush”)

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Behind the Cut – Old Growth

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: Glowing yellow eyes peer out from a hollow tree covered in moss and leaves. Fog obscures the foreground of the forest view. Text: Old Growth. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about what it was like to write my first story in second-person point of view.

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Also, don’t forget that I’m doing a Not About Lumberjacks t-shirt giveaway in honor of November’s 50th full story episode.

All you have to do is email NALStories@gmail.com and tell me a favorite episode or something about the show for one entry. Check out the shownotes for “Old Growth” for full details.

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Old Growth

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Glowing yellow eyes peer out from a hollow tree covered in moss and leaves. Fog obscures the foreground of the forest view. Text: Old Growth. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.


You are a lumberjack alone on the side of a mountain with whomever—or whatever—killed your fellow loggers.

(Yep! This one’s in second person…)

Content Advisory: “Old Growth” deals with death, gore, anguish, being lost in a forest, being alone in the dark, and…creatures. But hey, at least there’s no swearing!

There’s really only one rather unpleasant horror scene. The rest is more just…creepy in its intent.

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Before getting into the tale, I want to thank everyone for supporting Not About Lumberjacks and helping make this the 50th full story episode of the show! (If you factor in the Christmas stories, there are 70 free stories on the site.)

To honor the occasion, I’m doing a giveaway!

People have asked for merchandise, and it is on the way. Until then, this is your chance to be one of the few people on the planet with a Not About Lumberjacks t-shirt!

Here’s how it works (and this applies internationally as well):

  • To get one entry in the random drawing, all you have to do is email me at NALStories@gmail.com and tell me your favorite episode or something you like about the show.
  • If you email me and tell me that…and let me know you’ve shared this episode (or your fave) somewhere online…or that you subscribe to my YouTube Channel or newsletter, you’ll get a second entry. (I trust you and have no intention of making you prove it.)
  • Finally, if you’re a Patreon patron, or sign up for my Patreon and let me know you did, you get a third chance.

I’ll do the random drawing on Saturday, December 23 and contact the winner then. (All contact will be directly from me, so if you get contacted through an Instagram account meant to look like me, or any place other than NALStories@gmail.com, it’s not me. I mention this because I know that even when someone tiny does some kind of giveaway, scammers try figuring out ways to exploit it. You will know me by the email address and my babbling thank you for supporting the show!)

And again…this applies to international fans of the show, too.

All right, let’s get to work!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen (closing tune: Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen, Anna Dager, and Hanna Ekström), licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Lakeview Estates

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An aerial view of a mobile home community. Text reads: Lakeview Estates. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund

The residents of Lakeview Estates Mobile Home Community battle the city and developers in an attempt to save their homes from demolition to make way for a golf course.

Content Advisory: “Lakeview Estates” deals with loss of homes, corruption, mention of drug and alcohol addiction (including teen marijuana use), death, arson, violence, incarceration, and infidelity. Also: after a six-episode run with no swearing, that’s back, too!

Also: There is a brief moment of emergency vehicle sounds, so if you’re driving…don’t panic!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Roy Edwin Williams, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Firing the Muse

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Left side of Image: A cross-cut of a tree stump looking down with green grass beneath it. Text reads: Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion. Right side of the Image: A classic painting of a female muse (head and shoulders). She is wearing a white robe. Behind her: trees and a mountain. Added to the image: a yellow hard hat rests on her head and a thick cigar is held between her fingers. Text reads: Firing the Muse. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about the things I wanted to be when I grew up (before deciding the become a writer). I share stories about writing rejection, the friend who convinced me to begin recording and releasing fiction, and how a different friend’s prediction about “The Death of Literature” factors in what I’m doing today.

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