Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Firing the Muse

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A classic painting of a female muse (head and shoulders). She is wearing a white robe. Behind her: trees and a mountain. Added to the image: a yellow hard hat rests on her head and a thick cigar is held between her fingers. Text reads: Firing the Muse. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

When Warren Quinn trades his existing workaday muse for a more literary muse, he gets much more than he bargained for.

Content Advisory: “Firing the Muse” deals with stresses and job loss around creative work. There’s casual alcohol consumption and smoking—and a very brief allusion to combat PTSD. Unless you consider “dammit” swearing, this is the sixth Not About Lumberjacks story with no language advisory. (I can already tell you there won’t be a seventh.)

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Jackie Martin, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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The Song of the Stone

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Image of a gray, lichen-covered stone in a forest. Text reads: "The Song of the Stone. Written and Narrated by Christopher Gronlund."

Zander Pierson’s dissatisfaction with living the life others expected from him leads to a stone in a Swedish forest that also called to Einvaldr Brúnn at a turning point in his life in the early 860s.

Content Advisory: “The Song of the Stone” deals with lack of job and life satisfaction, pressure to marry and have children, career pressure, and death from illness.

A Thank You and Some Links…

A mighty thank you to Miro Karjalainen, aka Three Star Vagabond, for answering some questions about Stockholm and Birka. If there are any inaccuracies in the story, they are all on me.

Miro is my favorite travel vlogger. Each week, he documents his travels around Stockholm, the rest of Sweden, and the world. It’s an impressive one-person operation, full of great places, history, and humor.

Miro also has a second YouTube channel called This is Geeky! in which he knocks around documenting geeky things. Of course, I love that channel as well.

So, check out what he’s up to at either link above, or swing by his Three Star Vagabond Facebook group.

And here’s Miro’s Birka video, which came in handy for this story!

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I hint at a couple YouTube channels in this story. If you’re curious who inspired the lines, here you go:

Roaming Wild Rosie – A thru-hiking designer who stepped away from the hurried pace of life in London and bought a cabin in the Swedish woods. Most Sundays, she chronicles her efforts restoring her home and tending to her little plot of land. I can’t tell you how much I love the commentary in this particular video.

Lowkey Swedish – Ally and Hamish are the “adorable couple from New Zealand,” mentioned in the story. Like the others mentioned above, each Sunday they share their restoration progress on their cabin in the woods not too far from Stockholm.

It’s already hit 97F / 36C in Texas this spring, so I’m sure I’ll revisit their snowed-in video as it gets even hotter in Texas.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Rockbiters

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Left side of Image: A cross-section of a tree stump against a green grass background. The Old Not About Lumberjacks logo is in the middle. Text reads: "Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion." Right side of image. White text on the close-up of an asteroid. Text reads: "Rockbiters. Commentary by Christopher Gronlund."

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I talk about how I’m normally not the biggest fan of worldbuilding in fiction, but recognize when it’s necessary. (And not just because “Rockbiters” required some up-front worldbuilding!)

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Rockbiters

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Close-up surface of an asteroid illuminated by lighting from the left. Text reads: "Rockbiters. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund."


Find out what happens when the Forgefire brothers, while mining in an asteroid belt called The Delve, discover something that changes the lives of an entire solar system. (Yep, it’s Dwarves in Space!!!)

Content Advisory: “Rockbiters” deals with loss of life, brief mention of enslavement, and war. Some may find the battle scenes loud and stressful, but there is no gore or suffering. Think of it like Star Wars-level action and you’re fine. Also: I extend my no-swearing streak to a fourth story in a row…unless you consider a made-up, one-syllable word swearing.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Martin Goldmann.

A BIG thank you to Martin for not only allowing me to use his music for “Rockbiters,” but for composing two pieces of music inspired by the story and our brief discussions online. Check out what he’s up to here:

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund. Additional vocal effects: Cynthia Griffith.

I also want to thank William J. Meyer for always sharing sound effect techniques and other things on his YouTube channel. William does full-blown movies for your head. Check out his website for more information.

And, finally, I mentioned Martin Goldmann refusing payment for using his music. So…I made a donation in honor of his generosity to Musicians Without Borders. If you’re so inclined, you can do the same.

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Christmas Miscellany 6

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A red glass Christmas Ornament hangs from a Christmas tree branch. Behind it, blurred colorful Christmas lights. Text reads: Christmas Miscellany 6 - Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

This year’s Christmas episode consists of four stories wrapped inside a bigger story.

  • “When Anders Came Home for Christmas”: An estranged family member returns home on Christmas Eve.
    • “Santa’s Sad Helper”: An unemployed factory worker takes a job as a Santa’s helper in the hope of making enough money for Christmas presents.
    • “The Nutcracker and Elf”: Tradition and modernism battle for the true spirit of Christmas.
    • “The Red Thief”: A new friendship forms when items begin going missing.
    • “Trollsson”: The legend of the Sleeping Mountain.

Content Advisory: “When Anders Came Home for Christmas” deals with family drama, cartoon violence, crude humor, monsters, loss of loved ones, and alcohol consumption. Unless you consider “asshole” swearing, this is the third story in a row without rougher language. I’m sure I’ll remedy that in 2023!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Various Christmas tunes, all licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Tin-Hearted Man

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The head of an axe resting on a cut stump. Dappled light shines on the scene, illuminating the moss and vegetation below. Text reads: "Tin-Hearted Man. Written and narrated by: Christopher Gronlund."


When Big Nick Champeau is taken by the Thunder River, his lumber camp speculates what his life might have been like before becoming a lumberjack.

Content Advisory: “Tin-Hearted Man” deals with loss of life, child abuse, alcoholism, physical fighting/violence against others, Korean War combat, facial disfigurement, lost love, loss of a pet, and drug use. But hey — there’s no swearing!

Links mentioned in the intro:

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Sanda Marteleur, licensed from Epidemic Sound. “I’m a Man You Don’t Meet Every Day,” by Harpo Marks, licensed from Premium Beat.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – In the Margins

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Left Side of Image: A cross section of a felled tree trunk on grass. Text reads: "Behind the Cut - The Not About Lumberjacks Companion." Right side of Image: A secret passage is revealed behind a wall of bookcases full of collectible books. Text Reads: "In the Margins. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund.

In this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story, I answer a listener question about the narrators I choose to sometimes work with. After that, I talk about how I have never been much of a fan of puzzles and riddles, but why I chose to write a short story featuring both.

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