Not About Lumberjacks

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Christmas Miscellany 8

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A red glass Christmas tree ornament in white snow. Text reads: Christmas Miscellany 8 - Four Stories - One of Them Seasonal. Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time once again…time for the annual Not About Lumberjacks Christmas episode. If you’re new, here, eight years ago I gathered up all my shorter short stories (like stocking stuffers) and released them for the holidays. Since then, the effort has grown, but no matter how random the tales are, the last one is always a Christmas story of some sort.

This year’s stories:

  • “Crispas Echo” – We travel back to 1985 for a tale of summer school friendship and…Taco Bell!
  • “A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Planet)” – The first human mission to Mars runs into a very surprising discovery…
  • “Dick is Dead” – Two accountants end up unlucky and are forced to attend the funeral of a weird coworker on behalf of their department.
  • “Christmas Spirits” – Three famous Christmas ghosts have had enough, and set a pharmaceutical CEO straight.

Disclaimer About “Christmas Spirits”: This story was written well before this week’s murder of UnitedHealthcare’s CEO. I am in no way capitalizing on timely news. Unfortunately, when one writes enough, they are bound to run into releasing a story that carries more weight because of a real-life event. (Example: When Stranger Things released an episode showing murdered children the week of [yet another] U.S. school shooting and began with a disclaimer.) Spoiler Alert: The CEO in this story lives. But…the last story of this year’s Christmas episode is bound to still evoke emotions in some, so I wanted to mention all this up front.

And now, the usual content advisory…

Content Advisory: Spread throughout the four stories making up this year’s Christmas episode are teen drug use, violence (humorous in places, but a couple rough moments in “Christmas Spirits”), teasing, a funeral, corporate greed, and–of course–swearing!

No matter what you celebrate this season (or not), I wish you and yours all the best as we face down the end of another year.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Various, all licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Stories and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >> (Coming Soon)

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Christmas Miscellany 7

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A Red round Christmas Ornament on a gray slate background with sprigs of evergreen. Text: Christmas Miscellany Three Stories - One of Them Seasonal... Written By: Christopher Gronlund Narrated By: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith

This year’s Christmas episode consists of three stories — one of them a Christmas tale.

  • “The World Beneath Her Brush”: This one’s about a globemaker—and I really like it!
  • “The King of French Fries”: Not only a story from the point of view of a parking lot-dwelling grackle, but it’s also accompanied by an original song.
  • “Suburban Home”: Aging punk rockers battling their homeowners’ association over Christmas decorations.

Content Advisory: “The World Beneath Her Brush” and “The King of French Fries” barely merit content advisories. At most, they are about personal struggle in the hope of having a better life. “Suburban Home” deals with pettiness, arguing, the effects of family expectations, and a slight bit of depression and anxiety mentioned in passing. Oh, and some swearing!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – With one exception, all music licensed through Epidemic Sound. The exception: Descendents’ “Suburban Home” used with permission from the band.

Also, “The Tailless Grackles of Summer” was conceptualized and arranged by Cynthia Griffith, who also came up with the first stanza of the lyrics. Christopher Gronlund finished the rest.

Stories: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith (“The World Beneath Her Brush”)

Episode Transcript >>

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Christmas Miscellany 6

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A red glass Christmas Ornament hangs from a Christmas tree branch. Behind it, blurred colorful Christmas lights. Text reads: Christmas Miscellany 6 - Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund.

This year’s Christmas episode consists of four stories wrapped inside a bigger story.

  • “When Anders Came Home for Christmas”: An estranged family member returns home on Christmas Eve.
    • “Santa’s Sad Helper”: An unemployed factory worker takes a job as a Santa’s helper in the hope of making enough money for Christmas presents.
    • “The Nutcracker and Elf”: Tradition and modernism battle for the true spirit of Christmas.
    • “The Red Thief”: A new friendship forms when items begin going missing.
    • “Trollson”: The legend of the Sleeping Mountain.

Content Advisory: “When Anders Came Home for Christmas” deals with family drama, cartoon violence, crude humor, monsters, loss of loved ones, and alcohol consumption. Unless you consider “asshole” swearing, this is the third story in a row without rougher language. I’m sure I’ll remedy that in 2023!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Various Christmas tunes, all licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >>

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Christmas Miscellany 5

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A gold glitter Christmas tree ornament hangs from a branch. Blurred background. Text: Christmas Miscellany 5. Written by: Christopher Gronlund. Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith.

Four stories, most of which take place during the holiday season…

  • “Stories of Fine Taste”: The stories behind two recipes (“Grandma’s Olive Loaf” – Something wicked is back in Kirkland’s Holler) and (“Fred’s English Muffin Garbage Pizzas” – A young boy finds out what’s behind a mysterious door).
  • “Reply All”: Cheryl’s not standing for office gossip about her and a co-worker.
  • “Drifted”: A character from the second Christmas episode ends up stranded on a mountain with something more naughty than him… (Listen to the last story of this episode if you need a reminder of a naughty little boy…)

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Frizz Oli, Earle Belo, Golden Fern, Howard Harper-Barnes, Martin Landström, and pär licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story: Christopher Gronlund

Narration: Christopher Gronlund. and Cynthia Griffith.

Episode Transcript >>

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Behind the Cut – Christmas Miscellany 4

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This year’s annual Christmas episode was anchored by a story based on real life. But what is “real life” when it comes to stories — even those claiming to be true? I discuss how fiction and truth have a way of coming together to create even greater truths in the process of their mingling.

Also, I chat a bit about 2021 plans for Not About Lumberjacks…

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Christmas Miscellany 4

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For the fourth year in a row, it’s a handful of stories (five, in fact) to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup:

Tracks – A tale of drifting teenage friendship.

Homecoming – Callan returns home for his annual visit with his father.

The Last Wish – If a genie grants you three wishes, and the first two don’t work out as planned, what should you do with the third?

Monkey-Wrenching Suburbia – A story about misplaced teen angst in 80s suburbia.

Christmas in Kansas – Most people reach an age when they recognize their parents’ flaws. Is it a gift, or a curse?

Blooper Reel – Yep, you read that right! Stick around until the very end for a gift many have requested.

Content Advisory: Some swearing, family loss, alcohol consumption, vandalism, divorce, and minor gore.

Also, I mentioned that I’d leave a link to Jennifer Moss’s novel, TOWN RED. Here it is!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Johannes Bornlöf, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Stories: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >>

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Christmas Miscellany III

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For the third year in a row, it’s a handful of stories — instead of just one — all to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup:

My Grandmother Wrestled Bears – A drifter returns home to her grandmother’s house for the holidays.

The Beast in the Back – The truth behind the success of BigBoxMart. (You might remember BigBoxMart — and the manager, Susan — from last year’s Christmas episode.)

Lost and Found – A family finds more than memories when the family patriarch passes on before the holidays.

Content Advisory: Some swearing, family loss, poverty, and human sacrifice. (But humorous human sacrifice, perhaps? Up to you!)

Episode Transcript >>

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