Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Christmas Cuts – Three Stories

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Last year’s holiday-ish 7-Stories episode, featuring a handful of micro-fiction, was well received. So this year, it’s another handful of stories:

  1. “The Crock,” narrated by Cynthia Griffith. A woman’s battles with her mother-in-law take an unexpected turn.
  2. “Greetings,” narrated by Patrick K. Walsh. An out-of-work special effects makeup artist gets a job as a big-box store greeter.
  3. “Naughty,” narrated by me, Christopher Gronlund. A naughty little boy gets what he deserves and learns about the the spirit of the season.

Content Advisory: “The Crock”: Swearing and family rivalry (mother in law vs. daughter in law). “Greetings”: Job loss and swearing. “Naughty”: Swearing and cigar smoking. Child torture.

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Stories: Christopher Gronlund

Narration: Cynthia Griffith, Patrick K. Walsh, and Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Waking the Lumberjack

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Waking the Lumberjack is the first one-shot audiodrama I’ve done with multiple voice actors for Not About Lumberjacks. Anchoring the story is Tim Czarnecki, starring as the Narrator.

I sat down with Tim and chatted about what it was like narrating this story…

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Waking the Lumberjack

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Waking the Lumberjack - Tombstone in a Wrestling RingIn honor of another year of Not About Lumberjacks, it’s a wrasslin’ story I swear has nothing to do with lumberjacks!

The funeral service of “Big Papa” Howe, the Ontario Lumberjack, does not go as planned. It’s up to his two sons, Big Mike and Little Mike, to put an old rivalry to rest.

Content Advisory: Swearing. Cartoonish violence (professional wrestling). Death of a parent and a funeral.

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Power and Beauty.

Story: Christopher Gronlund

Starring: Tim Czarnecki as the Narrator.
Michael Howie as Big Mike Howe.
Christopher Gronlund as Little Mike Howe…doing a really bad Canadian accent.
Rocky Westbrook as The Wrestling Fan.
Cynthia Griffith as Mama Howe.
Shawn Kupfer as Dicky Coffee Guy and Father Kupfer.
Rick Coste as Big Rick Coaster.
Additional wrestlers and grunting provided by various talent listed above.

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Behind the Cut – A Race to the End (Ep. 021)

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Birthday cake - A Race to the End - Written and narrated by Christopher Gronlund - Behind the Cut – A Race to the End (Ep. 021)If one desires, they can have a story end in so many different ways.

Some stories just have a feel from the start for a certain kind of ending, but others are shaped by a writer’s environment — sometimes even being affected by other stories written around the time a particular story is done.

That’s what I talk about with “A Race to the End.”

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The Race to the End

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Birthday Cake - The Race to the End. written and narrated by Christopher GronlundThe 100-year-old son of the oldest man to ever live plots to kill a 123-year-old man about to break his father’s record.

Content Advisory: Swearing and cartoonish violence. Stress of aging and mortality. A son trying to live up to his father’s expectations.

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund

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Behind the Cut – Episode 20: 7 Stories

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A red Christmas ornament - Behind the Cut – Episode 20: 7 StoriesThe last episode was a bit of a departure, with seven bits of micro-fiction. The most fascinating thing was hearing which stories people loved most (“Vlad Stovepipe” won).

So…for this episode of Behind the Cut, a bit about each of the stories…

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7 Stories

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A red Christmas tree ornament - 7 StoriesA bit of a departure this holiday season: seven stories instead of one!
(Think of it as micro-fiction stocking stuffers.)

  1. “Not About Lumberjacks” – As it says in the name, this story is not about lumberjacks!
  2. “Be a Man” – Sometimes kids grow up faster than they should.
  3. “Fucking Asshole” – It’s a story about a guy named Fucking Asshole.
  4. “The Intersection” – Life in a tightly wound world…
  5. “Vlad Stovepipe” – Yeah, it’s about a vampire snowman!
  6. “Hardcore” – Tell this guy wrestling’s fake…
  7. “Another Christmas Eve” – A story about one family’s Christmas Eve tradition.

Content Advisory: “Be a Man”: Child abuse, mention of a dead dog (by gunshot), alcohol abuse, and murder. “Fucking Asshole”: Uhm…swearing! “The Intersection”: Anger, violence (shooting), and family loss of a child (shooting). “Vlad Stovepipe”: Cartoon violence. “Hardcore”: Swearing and violence. “Another Christmas Eve”: Divorce, violence (family fistfight), swearing, depression, loneliness.

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Credits:

Story and narration: Christopher Gronlund

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch (aka Poddington Bear)

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