Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

7 Stories

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A red Christmas tree ornament - 7 StoriesA bit of a departure this holiday season: seven stories instead of one!
(Think of it as micro-fiction stocking stuffers.)

  1. “Not About Lumberjacks” – As it says in the name, this story is not about lumberjacks!
  2. “Be a Man” – Sometimes kids grow up faster than they should.
  3. “Fucking Asshole” – It’s a story about a guy named Fucking Asshole.
  4. “The Intersection” – Life in a tightly wound world…
  5. “Vlad Stovepipe” – Yeah, it’s about a vampire snowman!
  6. “Hardcore” – Tell this guy wrestling’s fake…
  7. “Another Christmas Eve” – A story about one family’s Christmas Eve tradition.

Content Advisory: “Be a Man”: Child abuse, mention of a dead dog (by gunshot), alcohol abuse, and murder. “Fucking Asshole”: Uhm…swearing! “The Intersection”: Anger, violence (shooting), and family loss of a child (shooting). “Vlad Stovepipe”: Cartoon violence. “Hardcore”: Swearing and violence. “Another Christmas Eve”: Divorce, violence (family fistfight), swearing, depression, loneliness.

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Credits:

Story and narration: Christopher Gronlund

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch (aka Poddington Bear)

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Behind the Cut – Episode 17: Cubicle Punks

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Anarchy symblo spray painted on a cubicle wall - Behind the Cut – Episode 17: Cubicle PunksI was never the punk that Bobby McGarvey or Stevie Saturn were in “Cubicle Punks,” but I do have something in common with them: I have always struggled with certain things that come with a “responsible” job.

The pull between a day job that pays the bills and pursuing one’s dreams is a recurring theme in several of my stories.

I talk about it on this episode of Behind the Cut…

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Cubicle Punks

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Anarchy symbol on cubicle wall - Cubicle PunksTwo aging punks come to grips with who they once were…and what they’ve become today.

Content Advisory: Swearing. Drug and alcohol use. A small fight. Mention of violence (a large, back-alley fight). Midlife crisis. Dissatisfaction with work and life.

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Punk Rock Opera

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund

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Behind the Cut – Episode 14: The Art of the Lumberjack

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Light in the forest - Behind the Cut – Episode 14: The Art of the LumberjackA real book inspired “The Art of the Lumberjack.” That book? The Sport of Falconry.

According to the inscription, the book was given to me by my father on January 11, 1975.

This four-and-a-half minute episode is about how a book I’ve had for 41 years led to one of the best short stories I’ve ever written…

To Christopher Peter Gronlund. From his father on 1-11-75. Some day if you have the time, read this book son. I just never had the time. I always knew how, and I didn't need this book. Look for the signs along the way son, always be careful, and try not to get hurt.

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The Art of the Lumberjack

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Light through Trees - "The Art of the Lumberjack"A year ago, I posted the first Not about Lumberjacks story. In honor of the show’s anniversary, I keep with tradition and refuse to even mention those foul-mouthed tree droppers!

When Erik Nilsson has a minor heart attack and is told to take some forced time off of work to recuperate, he finally reads a book left to him by his father much earlier in life. What he finds hidden among the pages changes him forever…

Content Advisory: Mention of suicide by shotgun. Overbearing parent (mother). Protagonist dealing with a medical issue (a minor heart attack).

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Broke for Free

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund

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Behind the Cut – Episode 12: Purvis

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Dungeons and Dragons dice - Behind the Cut – Episode 12: PurvisIf you listened to “Purvis,” it’s probably clear that I spent a lot of time when I was younger playing Dungeons and Dragons and being picked on.

If you’ve not listened to “Purvis,” I suggest you listen to the story first because there are some big spoilers in this behind-the-scenes look at the story.

But this is not wholly about what it was to be bullied — it’s also a celebration of a game that saved my life and made me the person I am today.

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Purvis

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Dungeons and Dragons dice - "Purvis"In 1984, a Dungeon Master struggles with keeping the few friendships he has together, all while dealing with a vicious bully. When Dungeons and Dragons is your only reprieve from the cruelties of life, the game becomes much more than recreation: it becomes a place of salvation.

Content Advisory: This story is rough. It contains swearing, alcoholism, child abuse, teasing, bullying, obsession, depression, misogyny, violence (classroom fighting and a brutal fight at the end), and the death of the protagonist.

It is also my favorite ending of anything I’ve ever written.

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund

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