Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Gerald’s Grail

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A faintly glowing clay chalice full of Dungeons and Dragons dice. A graph paper map and Dungeons and Dragons books are scattered around the table, along with other dice, pewter miniatures, and a glass Mountain Dew bottle. Text: Gerald's Grail Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund

While knocking around an antique shop with his grandmother, a teenage geek finds something that changes his life in a most curious way…

Content Advisory: Bullying, violence (including passing mention of the Cambodian genocide of the 70s), teen tobacco and alcohol use, and — of course — swearing.

And if you’re so inclined, be sure to check out the Not About Lumberjacks Patreon. For as little as a dollar a month, all patron content is unlocked.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Lupus Nocte, Rocking for Decades, Ludvig Moulin, Christopher Moe Ditvelsen, Jon Bjork, Philip Ayers, and Cercles Nouvelles, licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Christmas Miscellany 5

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A gold glitter Christmas tree ornament hangs from a branch. Blurred background. Text: Christmas Miscellany 5. Written by: Christopher Gronlund. Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith.

Four stories, most of which take place during the holiday season…

  • “Stories of Fine Taste”: The stories behind two recipes (“Grandma’s Olive Loaf” – Something wicked is back in Kirkland’s Holler) and (“Fred’s English Muffin Garbage Pizzas” – A young boy finds out what’s behind a mysterious door).
  • “Reply All”: Cheryl’s not standing for office gossip about her and a co-worker.
  • “Drifted”: A character from the second Christmas episode ends up stranded on a mountain with something more naughty than him… (Listen to the last story of this episode if you need a reminder of a naughty little boy…)

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Frizz Oli, Earle Belo, Golden Fern, Howard Harper-Barnes, Martin Landström, and pär licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story: Christopher Gronlund

Narration: Christopher Gronlund. and Cynthia Griffith.

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Behind the Cut – Milkboy

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Left side of image: Rings of a cut tree in grass. Text on the tree rings reads: "Behind the Cut. The Not About Lumberjacks Companion." Right side of image: A pour of milk missing a glass and splattering all about. Text: "Milkboy. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund."

While “Milkboy” is based on a true story, it definitely ends up a work of fiction. When I started the story, I had no idea where to take it. Discovering what to do with the story led to a ridiculous and heartfelt tale of friendship that is one of my favorite stories on the site.

I talk about that — and much more — in this behind-the-scenes look at the latest episode of Not About Lumberjacks.

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Milkboy

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A pour of milk missing the glass scatters around the image. Text: Milkboy Written an Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund

Milkboy is based on a true story…

When two friends use a bulletin board system to create an online persona to tease their best friend, they get more than they have coming to them for their deception.

Content Advisory: Milkboy deals with emotional manipulation, stressful working conditions, infected food, passing mention of a grizzly death, demonic possession, and cartoonish violence. And, of course, there’s plenty of swearing. (A bit more than usual, in fact.)

Also, if you’re driving: be aware that anytime you hear characters in a vehicle after the mention of Yummy’s Greek Restaurant in Denton, Texas…there will be yelling, squealing tires, and even a collision. Really, from that point on…just expect the story to get louder and more ridiculous with each new paragraph.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Birdies, licensed from Epidemic Sound. Hellish soundscape licensed from Michaël Ghelfi. Check out Michaels ambient compositions at his YouTube channel, website, or on Bandcamp.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Calling Out of Time

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Left side of image: Rings of a cut tree in grass. Text on the tree rings reads: "Behind the Cut. The Not About Lumberjacks Companion." Right side of image: A glowing phone booth on a quiet city street at night. Text: "Calling Out of Time. Commentary by: Christopher Gronlund."

“Calling Out of Time” started with a tweet. Without a random thing I saw on Twitter, it’s unlikely this story would exist.

Ideas are everywhere if you’re open to them, but it’s not as easy as picking them out of the air — it helps to know which ideas are worth working through vs. those best ignored.

While there is an effort involved in writing any story, ideas aren’t so hard when you know the one simple test I talk about in this behind-the-scenes look at the latest Not About Lumberjacks story…

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Calling Out of Time

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A glowing phone booth on a city side street at night. Text: Calling Out of Time Written and Narrated By: Christopher Gronlund

What would you do if you could call back in time and leave a message to your younger self?

When Amir discovers a phone booth that seems to magically appear on the corner in his neighborhood, he does everything he can to change the worst thing that ever happened to him and his family…

Also, I mentioned that I’d leave a link to Jennifer Moss’s novel, TOWN RED. Here it is!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Gabriel Lewis, licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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A Deathly Mistake

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IMAGE: Death with his head in his hands. A word balloon reads, "Whoops!" TEXT: A Deathly Mistake Written and Narrated by: Christopher Gronlund

When Death mistakenly harvests the soul of the wrong John Smith, John’s life–and After Life–are forever changed.

Also, I mentioned that I’d leave a link to Jennifer Moss’s mighty novel, Town Red. Here it is!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story/Bloopers – Jerry Lacey (Story) and Timothy Lewis (Bloopers), licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Christmas Miscellany 4

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This year’s annual Christmas episode was anchored by a story based on real life. But what is “real life” when it comes to stories — even those claiming to be true? I discuss how fiction and truth have a way of coming together to create even greater truths in the process of their mingling.

Also, I chat a bit about 2021 plans for Not About Lumberjacks…

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Christmas Miscellany 4

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For the fourth year in a row, it’s a handful of stories (five, in fact) to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup:

Tracks – A tale of drifting teenage friendship.

Homecoming – Callan returns home for his annual visit with his father.

The Last Wish – If a genie grants you three wishes, and the first two don’t work out as planned, what should you do with the third?

Monkey-Wrenching Suburbia – A story about misplaced teen angst in 80s suburbia.

Christmas in Kansas – Most people reach an age when they recognize their parents’ flaws. Is it a gift, or a curse?

Blooper Reel – Yep, you read that right! Stick around until the very end for a gift many have requested.

Content Advisory: Some swearing, family loss, alcohol consumption, vandalism, divorce, and minor gore.

Also, I mentioned that I’d leave a link to Jennifer Moss’s novel, TOWN RED. Here it is!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Johannes Bornlöf, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Stories: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Geocached

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When Wayne finds strange items in geocaches along the old lumber roads of northern Minnesota, he becomes obsessed with discovering who’s leaving the items behind. What he finds changes his life forever…

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Headlund, licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Photo: Cache Mania.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Jesse Harley.

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