Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Christmas Miscellany 4

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For the fourth year in a row, it’s a handful of stories (five, in fact) to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup:

Tracks – A tale of drifting teenage friendship.

Homecoming – Callan returns home for his annual visit with his father.

The Last Wish – If a genie grants you three wishes, and the first two don’t work out as planned, what should you do with the third?

Monkey-Wrenching Suburbia – A story about misplaced teen angst in 80s suburbia.

Christmas in Kansas – Most people reach an age when they recognize their parents’ flaws. Is it a gift, or a curse?

Blooper Reel – Yep, you read that right! Stick around until the very end for a gift many have requested.

Content Advisory: Some swearing, family loss, alcohol consumption, vandalism, divorce, and minor gore.

Also, I mentioned that I’d leave a link to Jennifer Moss’s novel, TOWN RED. Here it is!

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Johannes Bornlöf, licensed through Epidemic Sound.

Stories: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Geocached

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When Wayne finds strange items in geocaches along the old lumber roads of northern Minnesota, he becomes obsessed with discovering who’s leaving the items behind. What he finds changes his life forever…

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Headlund, licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Photo: Cache Mania.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration: Jesse Harley.

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The Cold of Summer

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Four strangers come together when they contract a mysterious illness from an old woman in line at a pharmacy.

Content Advisory: This story deals with illness, including mentions of COVID-19. It’s also not without moments of anxiety, regret, abandonment, nightmares, and even death. I know that makes it sound like it’s a rough tale, but this is still a story of hope.

Oh—and just like almost every episode—there’s some swearing…

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Oscar Colling, Ethan Sloan, and Sionya (featuring Emmi), all licensed from Epidemic Sound.

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.

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Behind the Cut – Pepper

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My good friend, Curtis Hart, requested this episode. He wanted to know why sometimes I tease an episode…only to release it much later — sometimes even releasing multiple episodes before it.

He gets his answer in this behind-the-scenes look at what goes into an episode of Not About Lumberjacks.

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Pepper

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A father returns as a reincarnated, talking dog in an attempt to make amends with his estranged son.

Content Advisory: Language, some [gloriously] crude humor, and discussions about the death of a family member from cancer. Yeah, Pepper dies, so it’s technically a dead-dog story…but it’s the protagonist’s dad.

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Credits:

Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Chad Crouch.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

Narration/Voices: Christopher Gronlund, Rick Coste, Cynthia Griffith, and Mandie Coste.

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Christmas Miscellany III

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For the third year in a row, it’s a handful of stories — instead of just one — all to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup:

My Grandmother Wrestled Bears – A drifter returns home to her grandmother’s house for the holidays.

The Beast in the Back – The truth behind the success of BigBoxMart. (You might remember BigBoxMart — and the manager, Susan — from last year’s Christmas episode.)

Lost and Found – A family finds more than memories when the family patriarch passes on before the holidays.

Content Advisory: Some swearing, family loss, poverty, and human sacrifice. (But humorous human sacrifice, perhaps? Up to you!)

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The Lumberjack of Williamsburg

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Axe head and flannel shirt.

An entrepreneurial podcast takes a turn for the worst…and then just keeps going…

Content Advisory: Swearing, poverty, eating disorders, and arguing.
Oh, and smarmy entrepreneurial podcast tropes…ugh!

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and April Moon.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

Voice Actors: Cynthia Griffith and Christopher Gronlund.

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Booger

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A kid makes a monster in his bathtub for a very specific reason…

(What could go wrong?)

Content Advisory: Swearing, bullying. Mention of masturbation. A father who cheats on his wife. Overbearing mother. Violence: young boys fighting. Gross sound effects. (Seriously, I received more feedback about “Booger” than any other story…all about how disgusting the sound design is. It is a story about a vile monster, after all.)

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Yung Kartz. Additional song: Whip Yo Head,” by Dollar Boyz.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

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Alone in HQ

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Femurs were wielded, and CEOs fell…

After the apocalypse, a lowly office worker is alive and alone in headquarters…keeping an old way of life going in the hope that things will one day return to normal…

Content Advisory: Death of a rabbit from blunt-force trauma. Violence (mention of a CEO bludgeoning someone with a cow femur). Suspense (the general creepiness of living in an empty corporate headquarters). Overtime and the stresses of work coming before life. Loneliness.

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Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Kai Engel.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

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Christmas Cuts – Three Stories

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Last year’s holiday-ish 7-Stories episode, featuring a handful of micro-fiction, was well received. So this year, it’s another handful of stories:

  1. “The Crock,” narrated by Cynthia Griffith. A woman’s battles with her mother-in-law take an unexpected turn.
  2. “Greetings,” narrated by Patrick K. Walsh. An out-of-work special effects makeup artist gets a job as a big-box store greeter.
  3. “Naughty,” narrated by me, Christopher Gronlund. A naughty little boy gets what he deserves and learns about the the spirit of the season.

Content Advisory: “The Crock”: Swearing and family rivalry (mother in law vs. daughter in law). “Greetings”: Job loss and swearing. “Naughty”: Swearing and cigar smoking. Child torture.

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Stories: Christopher Gronlund

Narration: Cynthia Griffith, Patrick K. Walsh, and Christopher Gronlund.

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