Not About Lumberjacks

Be mighty, and keep your axes sharp!

Alone in HQ

by 3 Comments

Femurs were wielded, and CEOs fell…

After the apocalypse, a lowly office worker is alive and alone in headquarters…keeping an old way of life going in the hope that things will one day return to normal…

Content Advisory: Death of a rabbit from blunt-force trauma. Violence (mention of a CEO bludgeoning someone with a cow femur). Suspense (the general creepiness of living in an empty corporate headquarters). Overtime and the stresses of work coming before life. Loneliness.

* * *

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Kai Engel.

Story: Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >>

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Christmas Cuts – Three Stories

by 4 Comments

Last year’s holiday-ish 7-Stories episode, featuring a handful of micro-fiction, was well received. So this year, it’s another handful of stories:

  1. “The Crock,” narrated by Cynthia Griffith. A woman’s battles with her mother-in-law take an unexpected turn.
  2. “Greetings,” narrated by Patrick K. Walsh. An out-of-work special effects makeup artist gets a job as a big-box store greeter.
  3. “Naughty,” narrated by me, Christopher Gronlund. A naughty little boy gets what he deserves and learns about the the spirit of the season.

Content Advisory: “The Crock”: Swearing and family rivalry (mother in law vs. daughter in law). “Greetings”: Job loss and swearing. “Naughty”: Swearing and cigar smoking. Child torture.

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Stories: Christopher Gronlund

Narration: Cynthia Griffith, Patrick K. Walsh, and Christopher Gronlund.

Episode Transcript >>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Behind the Cut – Waking the Lumberjack

by 1 Comment

Waking the Lumberjack is the first one-shot audiodrama I’ve done with multiple voice actors for Not About Lumberjacks. Anchoring the story is Tim Czarnecki, starring as the Narrator.

I sat down with Tim and chatted about what it was like narrating this story…

* * *

Episode Transcript >>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Waking the Lumberjack

by 3 Comments

Waking the Lumberjack - Tombstone in a Wrestling RingIn honor of another year of Not About Lumberjacks, it’s a wrasslin’ story I swear has nothing to do with lumberjacks!

The funeral service of “Big Papa” Howe, the Ontario Lumberjack, does not go as planned. It’s up to his two sons, Big Mike and Little Mike, to put an old rivalry to rest.

Content Advisory: Swearing. Cartoonish violence (professional wrestling). Death of a parent and a funeral.

* * *

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Power and Beauty.

Story: Christopher Gronlund

Starring: Tim Czarnecki as the Narrator.
Michael Howie as Big Mike Howe.
Christopher Gronlund as Little Mike Howe…doing a really bad Canadian accent.
Rocky Westbrook as The Wrestling Fan.
Cynthia Griffith as Mama Howe.
Shawn Kupfer as Dicky Coffee Guy and Father Kupfer.
Rick Coste as Big Rick Coaster.
Additional wrestlers and grunting provided by various talent listed above.

Episode Transcript >>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Behind the Cut – Dear God (Ep. 022)

by 1 Comment

Envelope addressed to God - Behind the Cut – Dear God (Ep. 022)“Dear God” is not the first story I wrote featuring gods; in fact, it’s not the first story I’ve written for Not About Lumberjacks featuring gods.

Gods are strange things to me. I’m a life-long atheist, but I love the storytelling opportunities gods of all kinds offer.

Also, I might just talk about how the Marvel Thor movies influenced this episode…and how they didn’t. (In many ways, an old Dungeons and Dragons rule book should probably get the most credit for the story.)

* * *

Also, I mention a friend named Laura Lange in this episode.

It just-so-happens that the day I release this episode of Behind the Cut…that Laura released an episode of her show, The Peaceful Life Podcast, in which she and I talk about being bullied as children. We talk about a Not About Lumberjacks favorite story, “Purvis” — as well as Dungeons and Dragons and many other things.

Episode link is right here.

* * *

Episode Transcript >>

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Behind the Cut – A Race to the End (Ep. 021)

by Leave a Comment

Birthday cake - A Race to the End - Written and narrated by Christopher Gronlund - Behind the Cut – A Race to the End (Ep. 021)If one desires, they can have a story end in so many different ways.

Some stories just have a feel from the start for a certain kind of ending, but others are shaped by a writer’s environment — sometimes even being affected by other stories written around the time a particular story is done.

That’s what I talk about with “A Race to the End.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

The Race to the End

by Leave a Comment

Birthday Cake - The Race to the End. written and narrated by Christopher GronlundThe 100-year-old son of the oldest man to ever live plots to kill a 123-year-old man about to break his father’s record.

Content Advisory: Swearing and cartoonish violence. Stress of aging and mortality. A son trying to live up to his father’s expectations.

Credits:

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch

Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Behind the Cut – Episode 20: 7 Stories

by Leave a Comment

A red Christmas ornament - Behind the Cut – Episode 20: 7 StoriesThe last episode was a bit of a departure, with seven bits of micro-fiction. The most fascinating thing was hearing which stories people loved most (“Vlad Stovepipe” won).

So…for this episode of Behind the Cut, a bit about each of the stories…

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

7 Stories

by 5 Comments

A red Christmas tree ornament - 7 StoriesA bit of a departure this holiday season: seven stories instead of one!
(Think of it as micro-fiction stocking stuffers.)

  1. “Not About Lumberjacks” – As it says in the name, this story is not about lumberjacks!
  2. “Be a Man” – Sometimes kids grow up faster than they should.
  3. “Fucking Asshole” – It’s a story about a guy named Fucking Asshole.
  4. “The Intersection” – Life in a tightly wound world…
  5. “Vlad Stovepipe” – Yeah, it’s about a vampire snowman!
  6. “Hardcore” – Tell this guy wrestling’s fake…
  7. “Another Christmas Eve” – A story about one family’s Christmas Eve tradition.

Content Advisory: “Be a Man”: Child abuse, mention of a dead dog (by gunshot), alcohol abuse, and murder. “Fucking Asshole”: Uhm…swearing! “The Intersection”: Anger, violence (shooting), and family loss of a child (shooting). “Vlad Stovepipe”: Cartoon violence. “Hardcore”: Swearing and violence. “Another Christmas Eve”: Divorce, violence (family fistfight), swearing, depression, loneliness.

* * *

Credits:

Story and narration: Christopher Gronlund

Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch (aka Poddington Bear)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS